Self Harmers - Do you also feel this way? MIGHT TRIGGER?

I started cutting myself around two years ago, and have been struggling on and off for the last year. I'm in a much better place now, but still, that overwhelming desire to see my own skin open up, to watch the blood drops get too heavy to defy gravity and drip to the ground, to see my own flesh pulsing, blood trickling out, the desire is taunting me. I don't feel sad or stressed at all, I just want to see the scars, I want to see my blood again, I want to feel that feeling of cold metal running through my skin, through the fat, to the muscle. I went to hospital once, got 9 stitches, and the doctors were contemplating surgery. I was on the computer yesterday and found pictures of my wound. Pictures of the doctors plunging needles into it, pictures of people crowded around deciding what to do. It triggered so badly, and right now I'd like nothing more than to see my skin open up again. Does anyone else feel like this? Anyone else just want to cut to see what happens?